Ten years ago, I reached a point where I almost gave up ever being able to control my weight. I had struggled with various diets for more than 50 years. I was about ready to say to hell with it and eat what I wanted, when I wanted it. If it killed me, so be it. (My doctor had assured me that it would kill me if I continued on the path I was on.) I had become so nasty, mean, and ugly that I couldn’t stand myself. I was continually angry with myself for failing the diet plans that I had started almost every Monday morning of my life. I was on many prescriptions, which only exacerbated my “don’t give a damn” outlook on life. I had dieted and exercised my way up to 452 pounds. My nephew, who was a surgeon in the Air Force, came home from Germany, took one look at me, and suggested that... Continue Reading
How I found FA was a total miracle! I had tried every diet, self-help books, drugs, and starving. You name it, I tried it. I was miserable at more than 245 pounds, killing myself slowly with all that flour, sugar, and quantities. My doctor told me that I had type 2 diabetes, and I still could not stop eating. She said that I was not going to go blind or lose a limb, but that I might die of a massive heart attack! She said I was morbidly obese, but I still could not stop eating. I was hopeless, but desperate. So I got on my knees one day and asked God to help me. I had reached the end of my rope. I couldn’t do this anymore. I had lived my life for my daughter. She was graduating from high school soon and would be going on with her... Continue Reading
One year and 140 pounds ago, at age 36, I entered the rooms of FA. For 24 years, I had racked my brain for every conceivable “plan” to lose weight. Generally, plans were hashed out during what I swore would be my final binge. In the beginning of recovery, and out of the food fog, I realized that all my prior plans were “output” focused—based on how much time, money, and effort I would give to be a normal-size person. It never occurred to me that “input” was the solution. For years, I budgeted $11 a week for a well-known diet program, but failed to realize that the additional $10 for the fast food run after each meeting was undermining my efforts. I diligently scheduled an hour of exercising, only to come home and choose four hours of snacking and television instead. I bought a $100 treadmill that quickly became... Continue Reading
My first Food Addicts in Recovery meetings were a rude awakening for me. There was so much to do! How was I going to be able to follow the program and live my life, too? There were so many suggestions: plan meals in advance, don’t eat between meals, go to meetings, make daily phone calls, spend time daily with my Higher Power, etc. Like most food addicts, I was used to making my own rules. I knew what worked for me. I didn’t need someone telling me what to do. So I questioned everything. Looking back to my first 90 days, I recognize that my so-called need to be in charge of myself was an illusion. If I was so in control of myself, why was I so fat? I knew how to lose weight—I had done it many times over the years! What FA brought to the table was... Continue Reading
I was out of control! I binged to soothe my hurt feelings and I binged to celebrate the good stuff. Nothing ever completely satisfied me, so even my celebrations ended in frustration. I came into Program when I was 42 years old. I weighed 271 pounds and had tantrums. I would keep my cool as best as I could in public and in my job. But, the ones I loved the most—my husband and my three precious boys, were the ones who heard the screaming fits, and saw the emotional, all-over-the place tantrums. Now four years later, I hope they are seeing and experiencing a different wife and a different mother, one who wears the weight of the world like a loose garment and not one who melts down like a two-year old. I hope they see what I feel—someone who is in recovery, on a beautiful journey with... Continue Reading
