I had lost almost 135 pounds. Then, sitting at one of my committed FA meetings, I obsessed about food to the point that I entertained the thought of stopping by the local Foster’s Freeze on the way home. I did not, but the next day, I was still struggling with the food obsession, still trying to force the thoughts out of my mind. I did not turn to my higher power and my fellows. Instead, I ran errands on my lunch break and ended up buying a sugar item that opened the door to more flour and sugar items during the rest of the day and into the evening. As I journaled about it later that night, I realized I have been afraid of what “recovery” would look like. I imagined that recovery would mean taking responsibility for myself. This would include reaching out for the help I need as... Continue Reading
I came into FA when I was 22 years old, my life was unmanageable, and I was fat and miserable. I was 180 pounds at that point and my weight was only going up. I had tried everything, but despite my desire to lose weight, exercise, and be healthy, I couldn’t stop eating. I got a sponsor at my first meeting and started working the program. I lost 60 pounds in the first 5 months. My body and my life quickly started to change. Fast forward. I had been abstinent for five years, working my program gratefully and willingly each day. I went to all of my meetings, participated in multiple AWOLs where I was able to work through the Twelve Steps, and held several service positions at the meeting and Intergroup levels. I had often heard people refer to me as an “FA cheerleader” due to my enthusiasm, gratitude,... Continue Reading
At 58 years old, I believed I had no choice but to die of obesity. I knew I would have a heart attack or a stroke and, if I were lucky, it would be fatal. Or I would eat until I exploded. There was no other way out. I walked into an FA meeting late and sat in the last row, nervous and hopeless. As I sat in my seat the woman next to me gave me a smile. I don’t remember a lot that was said at the meeting but I remember that smile. I felt welcome and at home. I might not remember what was said, but I know I heard hope in that meeting, hope that I didn’t have to die from food addiction, that I had another choice. I learned of another meeting the next night and I committed to someone that I would go. That... Continue Reading
I didn’t come into willingly. I was very angry and full of remorse and resentments. I weighed 347 pounds. However, that was not my top weight. I had been 360 pounds prior to my Vertical Banded Gastroplasty better known as a VBG. I lost 80 pounds in 3 months and it was back before I knew it was ever off my body. The surgeon recommended a support group for all patients who had the weight loss surgery. My life was a mess. I was over indulging in flour and sugar products after exercising vigorously on the elliptical machine. I would be in excruciating pain. Nonetheless, I would go over to the Walgreens and buy six of the sugar products they had on sale. The more exercise I did, the more I ate. I felt like the exercise gave me permission to eat whatever I wanted. One day I met this... Continue Reading
My 90th day of abstinence happened to be on one of the biggest food days of the year, Thanksgiving Day. I have to admit I was a bit fearful going into that Thursday. I am so grateful for my sponsor who reminded me that Thanksgiving is in fact just Thursday. It is another day that I weigh and measure my food and work the tools of the FA program. Thank you God for the reminders I get from my sponsor and from my fellows that there is no answer in the food. Food is no longer for comfort, entertainment, company, relaxation or any of the other nouns I’d use to justify eating addictively. For many years I have struggled with my abstinence and with the willingness to work the FA program. I thought that I could do the things I wanted to do each day and leave the rest. I... Continue Reading
