Starting over is always painful. I have been in this wonderful fellowship for 8 years, and in that span, I have had to start over four times. This time was no different. It was not FA that stopped working for me; it was I who stopped working the program. The food was the last to go. It started when I let the gifts of the program take me away from the program. There were other things that I just didn’t want to miss, so I would connect with two people on the phone instead of three, and my committed meetings suddenly weren’t as “committed.” My quiet time was not as peaceful with my “to do” list running through my mind, and 30 minutes became 27. I read my Big Book much too late and fell asleep on it. Now, this didn’t not happen all at once, nor every day. It... Continue Reading
90 days. 3 months. 13 weeks. 129600 minutes. 270 meals. 39 meetings. The last 90 days have been a whirlwind. You see, this isn’t my first encounter with the rooms of FA. A friend introduced me over two years ago and I instantly fell in love. I had found what I didn’t know I was looking for. I loved the idea of the support and accountability. I saw members of my fellowship with a peace about their lives. I saw before-pictures that were similar to mine. Most of all, I heard my story. I had thought I was the only one. I was not. (I am not and you aren’t either.) I found a sponsor and started on this journey not knowing what to expect. I didn’t expect to feel good about myself. I didn’t expect to stand in the front of the room and share. I didn’t expect to... Continue Reading
My sponsor asked me, “What does it really mean to be a food addict?” I gritted my teeth and felt a wave of irritation. If my sponsor knew what it meant to be a food addict, then why didn’t she tell me! I hate when people ask me a question when they know the answer. I felt a sense of failure and hopelessness. Why wasn’t I getting it? I had been in FA for a few months, and the program seemed demanding and difficult. All I ever seemed to do was chop up vegetables, weigh my food, and go to meetings. I had no time for anything else. My relationship with my sponsor was also awkward and painful. I felt all of my insecurities and fears rising up. I already thought that I wasn’t good enough, and suddenly there was this question again: “What does it mean to be a... Continue Reading
Completing my first 90 days is a true miracle, especially considering this is my second time through the program! Last summer, I reached my highest weight, but I was content with life, or at least that’s what I told myself. I was running my own business, but I felt uncomfortable presenting and being on video because of my weight, even though this was essential for my business success. I knew I had to lose weight, but I didn’t know how. Prior to FA, I was a vegan or vegetarian for years, I followed Macrobiotic diets, and I even went to Weight Watchers—all with short term success. One day I saw a friend who had lost a lot of weight and asked what she was doing. She described FA in such vivid detail that I was hooked instantly. I didn’t hear the parts about attending three meetings or calling people. All... Continue Reading
This is my fifth attempt at my first 90 days. So many describe their experience as a moment of epiphany (often some sort of “bottoming-out” experience) followed by a headlong dive into the program. These “all in” folks seem fueled by trust and fervent commitment. They’ve given their will a kick in the pants and turned themselves over to their sponsor for guidance and their God for spiritual sustenance. I am not one of those people; my journey has been that of a cynic. Having tested and re-tested all of the homilies of the program and tried every-which-way to torque the program to my needs, I have finally — first in the dim recesses of my mind, then in the new energy and health of my body, and, most powerfully, in the new calm and joy in my spirit— finally come to accept the wisdom of each tool and each... Continue Reading
