At my first meeting, I couldn’t relate to the term food addict; addicts poured drugs into their bodies with needles. And, I certainly couldn’t relate to the statement that we had an allergy to sugar and flour; I had no allergies. The hook for me was when I heard the phrase “and our lives had become unmanageable.” That was me inside. Outwardly, I appeared to be a successful professional woman who had my life under control. Even though my original intention, those nine years ago, was to just dabble in the idea of FA meetings, I was blessed with the gift of desperation. I got a sponsor that first night and was abstinent for almost four years. Then I had a break—with a binge of dairy products. But I was sure that I could resume my prior life of abstinence. I was terribly wrong. I experienced over three years of... Continue Reading
When I was living in the disease of food addiction, I hurt myself physically, mentally and spiritually. I was almost 100 pounds (about 45kg) overweight. I hurt myself physically by eating almost exclusively flour and sugar. I had joint pain, sprained ankles, chafed thighs, discomfort from too-tight clothes, and pain from being full after every binge. Day after day after day, with no end in sight. I also did other things to hurt myself physically. I picked at my skin and bit my nails until they bled. Again and again I would pay to for fake nails so that I would stop biting them but it never worked: I would bite the fake nails off. The pain of biting off fake nails that were glued to my nail bed was excruciating, but I couldn’t not bite my nails just like I couldn’t not eat. I hurt myself spiritually; that was... Continue Reading
When I first found FA two months after moving from Italy to London, life became easier for me. With FA I found structure, support, and a family. I discovered a group of people who understood exactly my disease and the way my brain worked, especially around food. Before I found FA, I had spent the first two months in London in a miserable state, slowly realizing that my “geographical cure” was not working. I had been drowning in fear, loneliness, isolation and, of course, food. I still remember the first time I heard someone qualify in that little church room in central London. I wanted to cry. I finally understood my behavior of so many years: I had a disease. Now I realized that I had a solution, and I wasn’t alone anymore. One of the biggest, fastest, miracles I experienced in the program was being able to sleep through... Continue Reading
For years, I wrestled with fear, doubt, and insecurity. I worried about everything, from raising children and being a responsible citizen of the world, to having enough money. Although I was an active member of a religious community, I had no relationship with the God of my upbringing. At the same time, I struggled with my eating. I say eating rather than weight because my weight fluctuated so much. The numbers on my bathroom scale were not always a problem, but I habitually went on the “diet to end all diets,” which I told myself would get me down to an ideal size, whatever that might be. I would then, of course, start eating healthily and follow new exercise regimes that would rid me of my cellulite. My relationships with other people were not as I wanted them to be. I was impatient and angry with my family, as well... Continue Reading
I found Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) in Vancouver when I was 30 years old. I was 5’ 6” and weighed 189 pounds (86 kilos). I lost 60 pounds (27 kilos) and have consistently stayed the same weight for the last three years. I was on the frontier [term previously used to describe an area far away from an established in-person FA fellowship] from the start but was lucky enough to have two small meetings at the time. When I came into recovery, I was desperate. I had again ended up lying on my bed in the fetal position after a binge. The negative voice in my head had become so painful to listen to. I was done! I searched online for “help for binge eating” and “counselors” popped up, but I had been to many of those. FA also popped up, and this was new. I called the FA office next day from work, so scared. I connected with the fellow who answered because we shared similar childhood experiences. I... Continue Reading
