Posts about Recovery

Flying Abstinent

Just recently I flew out for my fourth trip to Sri Lanka. This is not an easy journey as it was 19 hours in an airplane. For the past 16 years or so my weight has fluctuated anywhere between 215 and 275 lbs (98-125kg) and flying made me nervous for a variety of reasons: Would I be comfortable? Would the cart keep hitting my arm? Would I fit in the seat? Would they make me pay more or tell me to leave? Would my feet and legs swell like they have in the past? I also thought about who I was going to sit next to. If it was my husband or sister who are both small and know me, I was okay invading their space. I remember my sister getting annoyed at me on a bus: How dare she comment? I can’t help being fat, sorry there’s nothing I... Continue Reading



A Three-Fold Solution for a Three-Fold Illness

When I was living in the disease of food addiction, I hurt myself physically, mentally and spiritually. I was almost 100 pounds (about 45kg) overweight. I hurt myself physically by eating almost exclusively flour and sugar. I had joint pain, sprained ankles, chafed thighs, discomfort from too-tight clothes, and pain from being full after every binge. Day after day after day, with no end in sight. I also did other things to hurt myself physically. I picked at my skin and bit my nails until they bled. Again and again I would pay to for fake nails so that I would stop biting them but it never worked: I would bite the fake nails off. The pain of biting off fake nails that were glued to my nail bed was excruciating, but I couldn’t not bite my nails just like I couldn’t not eat. I hurt myself spiritually; that was... Continue Reading



Balance And Peace

March 16th of 2016 is the date when I started my life all over again. That is the day when I flew into Austin for a weekend visit with my son and never returned to my home in Virginia. It was a three-day tour where the shipwreck of my life crashed onto the beach, and I began the process of gaining a new peace and transforming my life. I married my husband when I was only sixteen years old, mostly to escape my abusive home life in Virginia. We eloped to Mississippi where he was in college, and we were married three days after my sixteenth birthday. I got pregnant on our honeymoon. We moved back to Virginia with my newborn son, and over the course of the next five years, we had two more children. Alas, the honeymoon did not last for long. I discovered that my husband was... Continue Reading



Twelve Step Security

While going through airport security recently, I was surprised when my carry-on case was pulled off the conveyor belt for closer inspection. I couldn’t imagine what I had that would look even remotely suspicious. The culprit was my food scale! Apparently, the TSA agent had never seen one. She called over a fellow agent to have a look, and the other agent had never seen one either. I told them what it was and showed them how it worked. Then they both wanted to know why I weighed my food. Because I didn’t want to miss my flight, I briefly explained that my eyes are broken when it comes to gauging food quantities, and I needed the scale to keep my portions right-sized. Since I would be qualifying at a meeting on my trip, I even showed them my “before” pictures that were in my purse. One of the agents... Continue Reading



Fear Factor

I decided to pick up an extra FA meeting because I was feeling out of sorts and down on myself for not being productive the previous day. I hadn’t reached out and shared this with anyone. Instead, I had isolated and avoided life. So, I committed to myself that I would go to a meeting the next morning, which was Sunday. I woke up the next morning and completely forgot my commitment. I had forgotten it was even Sunday! I went through my routine, took my calls, and had a leisurely breakfast. When I remembered at 8:45, I debated about whether to go. I would need to be out of the house by 9 to get there on time, and I decided to try. I managed to get myself ready and was out of the house by 9:05. The snow started at 9:15. I don’t know that I would have... Continue Reading