A Story of Recovery:
Toothless in Dallas
Following a three-year break, I returned to FA. I was convinced that nothing could slow me down this time. My intention was to come back to FA and start over. I originally joined but dropped out a year later. During the time away, my father passed and my two adult children divorced and took turns living with me. One remarried and the other became engaged. I was happily spending time after work with my five grandchildren. Everything was okay except my spirit was ragged and scrapped up a bit. Because I had regained the weight lost the first time, I was feeling like a failure, physically and mentally. I had to buy my size in the women’s section of Dillard’s, my favorite store. It was time to come back and get busy. I was ready to get down to business and get happy, healthy and holy all at the same time. I craved the opportunity to hang out with people just like me, who had an abnormal urge to eat flour and sugar products, people just like me who could eat a whole happy birthday treat without any help and then want more.
Attending the first FA meeting was the most difficult. Would people judge me for being back in my previous size or notice the shame and fear that I felt? For a brief moment I told myself it couldn’t be any worse than going to the dentist. I can do this. My strongest fears banished the minute we started the serenity prayer. My mind and body relaxed and I began to soak it all in, sort of like taking a break from what was bugging me. I could stop listening to my critical inner voice and focus on someone else instead. Hearing the leader speak about her experience in FA was like hearing a favorite song. I felt reassured and hopeful. A renewal of my spirit was right around the corner. I was back where my Higher Power wanted me.
Finding a sponsor the first night was a huge relief and almost too easy. The next morning, I was ready to wake up early and call my sponsor at the appointed time. I committed my food choices for the day. My sponsor gave me a refresher in the basic food plan. We talked about ways to weigh and measure my food, what times the meals should be eaten and reminders about the first 90 days. We also discussed prayer time, quiet time to relax the soul, expectations regarding meeting attendance and finally making at least three phone calls daily to other fellows in the program.
Before I knew it, I had my first 90 days in. After carefully following the requirements of FA, I could now share in front of the group and give input during the business meetings. My mind was clear, my leftover size 14W’s replaced the clothes I had started with, and I was beginning to see a physical improvement in my body. Lumps were smaller, arms were leaner and I had more energy. The huge turkey-sized fat ball I carried in my abdomen was shrinking and I was excited, hopeful and looking forward to the future. I also knew I wanted to serve someday and I was well on my way. My joy was slowly returning.
The afternoon before my next meeting, I went to the dentist for a routine cleaning. Unfortunately, my bottom teeth were all messed up. Here in Dallas I had found a great dentist who helped repair and maintain my teeth. Eventually the repairs that had worked were no longer helping. I had to have dental surgery, have my remaining bottom teeth removed and choose to either have dentures or implants placed. The surgery would involve an IV during the surgery and at least three months of soft foods. How was I going to do this and get the food I needed to eat in order to stay in the program? Could I stay on my abstinent food plan? Was there a possibility of a modified food plan in FA? Would I get kicked out and have to start over?
The next morning I called my sponsor to tell her my food choices for the day. I was trying extra hard not to act like a basket case. I was shooting for dignified and calm. My sponsor made few phone calls on my behalf. Within hours she placed me in contact with a fellow in our Dallas fellowship who knew another FA member with 13 solid years of abstinence who could advise me. I was finally able to stop holding my breath. In a few days I would call the person who held the secrets to solving this dilemma.
My first phone call to this woman was introductory. She said to call back three days before the dental surgery and then we could talk about the food items that I needed to buy. She reassured me and urged me to stop thinking about it and to take it one day at a time. Finally, it was time to call and get details. This gentle Boston native helped me create food plans for the immediate period following the procedure. We also discussed future food plans that would allow me to eat without chewing. (Yes, when you have your bottom teeth removed, you cannot chew food.)
The first three days following the procedure, my chin looked like Jay Leno’s and my face had the beginning of purple bruising along my jaw line, especially on the left. I looked like I had been in a car wreck or a bar fight and lost. I had some pain that prescription-strength Advil took care of. Even though I could barely open my mouth, I was still able to follow a food plan that met my needs and allowed me not to eat any flour or sugar products. I began to believe that it was going to work out after all. I knew my Higher Power was behind this.
Several weeks ago I had my stitches removed. I am now beginning to wear my temporary teeth until I am healed. In case you’re wondering, artificial teeth do not work like the real thing. I had fantasized about eating an actual piece of meat. When trying to chew, the temporary teeth popped right off. I will have to pray for patience.
When I look back at the community of support and genuine concern and caring that I’ve received from my FA group, I feel overwhelmed with gratitude. Somehow I was placed where I needed to be. Not only were my holy and physical needs being met but my mind was at peace and I felt well cared for. People had really stepped up to help me get through this.
A couple FA fellows have mentioned how different my experience could have been if I hadn’t known about FA. I imagine I would be parked outside a 7-11 convenience store getting sugary frozen treats to soothe my mouth. I would be a crazy lady on a sugar high eating soft junk food and feeling terrible. Instead, I feel happy, healthy and holy with one difference; I don’t have bottom teeth. Not yet anyway, maybe in two more months.