I recall the first time I heard it, “Every surrender brings you closer to God.” Those were the words I heard over the phone as I reached out to a fellow FA member, complaining to her about my struggle with my morning caffeine drink. She was a woman I didn’t even know, someone my sponsor suggested I call because she had long-term abstinence. Her words seemed empty at the time. Yeah, sure, closer to God, I thought. It was bad enough that I had already surrendered one thing I liked to put into my drink. Then my sponsor suggested that I just drink it black. I was feeling sorry for myself for having to make yet another sacrifice. Poor old me. I had given up so much. But this was my morning ritual, my family’s social lubricant. My parents very rarely drank alcohol; it was the cup of caffeine that... Continue Reading
I am sitting in a hospital bed. I am 52 years “young,” and it is now three days since my surgery. I am a doctor at this hospital and the one usually providing the care, so it is very strange to receive all of this medical attention. I originally came into the hospital for a colonoscopy screening. I am grateful for the gift of clarity to practice what I preach and come in for the test. I was diagnosed with colon cancer. I weighed 253.5 pounds when I joined FA, and I weighed 135.5 at home the morning of my surgery. I can’t believe I have only eaten four meals in the last six days because of the tests and the surgery associated with the diagnosis. More incredible is how peaceful and surrendered I am about both the diagnosis and the not eating. I have already received innumerable gifts in... Continue Reading
My sister called me and said that a “diet class” was being held at my childhood parish. I have deep respect for my sister, so I decided to go. Turns out that I was an hour late, so I attended only the last half of the meeting, but it was a meeting that changed my life. The speakers filled me with hope. I had been a thin young man, but when I was hit with the triple whammy of getting out of the Air Force, getting married, and starting college, I shot up to over 200 pounds and never weighed less than 200 again, until FA. I hated living as a fat man, but I had given up hope. I had tried many diets, with some successes, only to rebound higher every time. I was drinking multiple fatty, sugary drinks every day, and I could not stop my intense cravings.... Continue Reading
In 11th grade I weighed 367 pounds and didn’t go to the doctor or get on a scale for years after that. For more than 30 years after high school, I tipped the scale most of the time at 335-370 pounds. Like many people, I used to start out every year making a resolution to lose weight. After a few tries, I just stopped making one. I felt that a resolution was just another thing I would fail at. I made fun of people who made New Year’s resolutions. I knew they were setting themselves up for failure as I had always done. In the past, my resolutions were downright crazy. One year I was so determined to be successful that I asked my family not to put any flour or sugar items into my Christmas stocking. Mind you, our stockings were literally five feet long and two-thirds of it... Continue Reading
I have been in FA for more than 19 years. I came in at age 22 weighing 280 pounds. My life was completely unmanageable. I was not only obese, but I had trouble showing up for the basics of life: work, friends, and family. I also was in a really bad live-in relationship and spent hours sitting on the couch in our dark basement apartment, smoking about a pack of cigarettes a day. I had panic attacks, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and bad credit. In my first decade in FA, many miracles happened in my life. I lost 150 pounds and got a body I never could have imagined. After about a year, I got the strength and courage from the Twelve Steps and the fellowship to leave the relationship I was in, which I never thought I could do. I quit smoking almost immediately, something I also never... Continue Reading
