I’ve been under a fair amount of strain lately. A dear friend of mine is dying from a metastasized cancer. I have an energetic and challenging sixteen year old. My older son is struggling at college. My husband injured himself and has been having a rough time dealing with the injury. Work has been very busy. In other words, life is happening, despite my being in a right-sized body. All of the above are hard enough, but combine them with the cold and rainy Sunday of last weekend, and I had a potential recipe for disaster. On that gray, wet, dreary day, all I wanted to do was to curl up on my sofa under a blanket and eat and watch television. But I didn’t. Instead, I worked my program. I called people and told them what I was feeling. Aloud, I said to them, “I want to eat.” Somehow,... Continue Reading
I was finding myself thinking about food every time I drove home from work or from a meeting. I would pass a fast-food place or a sugar and flour shop and start to think about what I would eat if I weren’t in Program. I wasn’t hungry and I wasn’t having a craving. I was just thinking about it. One night coming home from a meeting, I passed three fast-food places in a row, and I spent the entire time mentally making out my possible menu for each place. I realized what I was doing and began to talk to myself in a very negative way. I scolded myself, using verbal abuse and negative talk. I was angry at myself for thinking about food. I should have known better with 155 pounds off my body. My sponsor suggested that I stop the negative talk in situations like this and ask... Continue Reading
I came into FA just before the holidays. I found quite quickly that I was going to have to unlearn a lot of things if I was going to continue to be abstinent. When I came into FA, it initially felt like food was chasing me. I had always eaten more or less unconsciously (face falling on food). It was a really a new thing not to turn to food whenever I wanted to. I had cravings and became very fearful when feelings came up that I used to push down with food, alcohol, or pills. Often these feelings came in a flood, and I would feel alone and in a weird emotional state, often thinking about eating or leaving Program as the only solution. Leaving FA seemed like an option when my head was chattering, “It’s just a matter of time. You are not going to be successful anyway.... Continue Reading
I sat on the sofa in my hotel room this morning, my stomach churning. Sinus colds have a way of interrupting my sleeping pattern, and I had been up since 4 a.m. Unable to fall back to sleep, I decided to start my day as I always do, thanking my Higher Power for rest, abstinence, and for the life I have today. Then I sat still for 30 minutes. My mind was filled with phrases from the Twenty-Four Hour a Day book. I was reminded of how different things are in my life today than they were three years ago. As I sat, I pressed my hand to my stomach and it vibrated. The clock reminded me that I still had two hours until breakfast, so I closed my eyes and returned to my quiet time of meditation. As my stomach continued to grumble, I was reminded that in recovery... Continue Reading
I came into FA at age 52 and had just lost 110 pounds after doing my own diet. I still had more weight to lose (my highest weight was 256) and a certain food had me by the throat and I couldn’t stop dreaming, fantasizing, and thinking about it. The weight started to creep up again. God led me into FA, and within three months the rest of the weight was off. I made a few mistakes here and there for a few months. I got 90 days of abstinence, lost it, got six months a couple of times, and then lost it. Then after about a year, I started to get into the food big time again. Finally, I was convinced that I needed to stop eating, and life was abstinent and good for almost nine years. Now looking back, I realize that I actually “white-knuckled it” for all of... Continue Reading
