During a meeting, a fellow stood and shared an analogy. He said that the first few months of Program were like learning to drive a car. He said that there seemed so much to it that you thought you’d never figure it all out. He thought that it was similar to all the bells and whistles and numerous windows and mirrors you had to keep track of while learning to drive. Eventually, like driving a car, he said, there would be parts of the program that became second nature to you. On my drive home, I was reflecting about how that was the stupidest analogy ever! In my job, I drive a lot and far distances, so if anyone “knows” about driving, it is me. But the analogy sparked my remembering when I was 15 and learning how to drive. Taking instructions from a parent is torture to any teenager,... Continue Reading
When I was 20 years old, I told my parents that I was addicted to sugar. At that time, “food addiction” was unheard of in my world. I was told that I just needed to have more will power and I should learn to say “no.” 30 years later, my bingeing was uncontrollable and I couldn’t stop. I was eating two-to-three family-size boxes of treats in my car at lunchtime every day, in addition to all my meals and nighttime junk. At 50 years old, 5’10” tall, and weighing 265 pounds, I was on my way to both my physical and mental grave, a place I didn’t want to go, but that didn’t know how to avoid. Then came divine intervention. God reunited me with my best friend from high school after a 23-year separation. We had so much to talk about. However, our conversation centered on her four successful... Continue Reading
I was sitting in front of the laundromat waiting for a friend to return to the car. I read a big sign in the window that said, “Wednesday—Free Soup.” My mind ran away with a story line. How lovely, people get together, do their laundry, and enjoy free soup. On and on went my mind. My friend got into the car, looked up, and said, “What do you know, Wednesdays, free soap! Guess who the food addict is.
I went to high school in the early 70s, when beauty was defined by how blonde and long your hair was, how deep your tan was, and how thin you were in your little bikini. It was a time when the dieting industry had not taken off yet, so there were not too many options for diets. I just remember being on a diet of a boiled white oval protein and large yellow fruit. I remember those little white pills that were really “speed,” that were all over campus. So I did what was, to me, the most successful diet: “The Don’t Eat Diet.” I felt really successful when I could go for long periods without eating. My best effort was five days with no food! I was so proud of myself for having all that control. In those early years, I didn’t see the harm I was doing to... Continue Reading
I gained 29 pounds in the five weeks before my dad passed away four years ago. I stuffed away my feelings with food. I binged and purged day in and day out to make myself numb to the world around me. I was not willing to feel the emotions I was having, and I was a mess. I recently lost my mom, and I am so grateful to say that, as of today, I am abstinent. Because I am in Program, going through my mom’s long illness and death has been so different from the experience I had with my father. This time I had tools to use. I put my recovery first and was able to feel my feelings and not turn to food for comfort. I was at my mom’s bedside all night when she died. The first person I talked to after she passed was my sponsor.... Continue Reading
