Stories of Recovery
These stories were originally published in the Connection, FA's monthly magazine written by food addicts, for food addicts. Each post shares a different author's perspective. Visit this page often to read more experience, strength, and hope about recovery in FA. To get the newest issue of Connection Magazine sent directly to your mailbox or inbox, click here to subscribe to the Connection.
In my early teenage years, I remember shopping at a warehouse clothing store with my mother. I was not yet overweight, but I was already extremely self-conscious about my body, and I was sure I was fat. (This is a disease that starts in my head, that’s for sure!) We staked out a spot by a mirror in the communal dressing room. My mother tried to shield me, but it was still a humiliating, uncomfortable experience, and I absolutely could not enjoy trying on the pretty outfits. The insanity, too, was that although I “knew” I was fat, I could somehow see that others were even fatter than I was. I was very ill at ease with some of the women in the dressing room, who were really obese. The whole experience was suffocating and stressful. In another shopping experience, I walked into a little boutique clothing store in search of an outfit for... Continue Reading
Five years ago I came into FA, desperate to lose weight. I weighed 330 pounds and was ravaged by medical complications. I had sleep apnea, hypertension, fibromyalgia, renal failure, incipient heart failure, premature osteoarthritis, and pre-diabetes. At the age of 55, and after decades of obesity, my body had lost its ability to buffer any further insults. It had lost its functional reserve to the point where organs were starting to fail and show the clinical effects of longstanding food abuse. The only option open was bariatric surgery. Nothing else had worked and I thought nothing else was available or would work. I had reached rock bottom. Some would say that it was serendipity that I heard about FA while driving home. For me it was nothing less than a miracle, because the week before I found FA, I was on my knees crying and praying to God to give... Continue Reading
This was my fourth time doing a Step-Four inventory in FA, where I was encouraged to make a list of my “character defects,” or problems. I expected it to be easier, not harder, than previous times, and in some ways it was. I was more willing and able to recognize and accept my character defects. But it had also gotten harder in many respects. During the weeks when I was actively engaged in writing about my problems, it was painful to have my less-attractive qualities “in my face” day in and day out. I found myself triggered more than usual by difficult circumstances, and I made decisions or took actions too quickly, not following my own advice to stop, take a breath, and ask for guidance from my Higher Power. I was feeling particularly sad about my actions around a specific work situation. There was a mistake in a project... Continue Reading
After spending a full sunny day at the beach, I left feeling hot and frustrated because I had spent most of it sitting on a blanket, fully dressed, unwilling to join my cousin and aunt who were playing in the ocean. I told myself that I needed to lose weight, but the thought of losing weight overwhelmed me. I wanted to lose about 40 pounds, but I didn’t know where to start. So when my aunt told me on the car ride home that I would definitely lose weight if I just ate three weighed-and-measured meals twice a week, I was hooked. She mapped out a food regimen that involved weighing and measuring, and I wrote notes feverishly. I tried her food plan for one meal and couldn’t make it to the next. It didn’t work. Sure, it was simple and made total sense, but I couldn’t stick to it.... Continue Reading
Although my training is as an opera singer, I chose an administrative career path and don’t sing much anymore. I am a church organist on the weekend, however, and the church asked me to sing in a service of lessons and carols for Christmas. I was a bit nervous about being out of practice, but I brought God with me to every rehearsal and showed up willing to do my best. I was so grateful, because I realized that before I came into Program, rehearsals and performances were always an excuse for a binge. I would be so scared to sing in front of people that I felt I deserved that reward afterward. What a relief it was to not have to hurt myself with food anymore! The day of the performance came, and slow preparations and Boston traffic delayed my arrival at the church, so everyone was already in... Continue Reading
