Food has always been my best friend. Food was there when no one else cared. Food made everything in my life bearable. I grew up in active alcoholism with a big religious family. We prayed for years that Daddy would stop drinking. And when it seemed like God had answered our prayers, my dad’s sobriety brought more emotions and feelings than I could understand as a 10-year-old. Trading addictions I was the oldest of eight kids, and I took care of all the younger ones while my parents were either arguing or going to meetings. Taking care of everyone else was my responsibility, and I learned quickly that everyone else came first. I wanted to play sports or join after-school activities, but the family had too much going on for me to get anything I wanted. Since I was home with a kitchen full of food and missing out on... Continue Reading
A wedding is a time to celebrate the union of two people who love each other and plan to spend the rest of their lives together. It is when family and friends gather to enjoy one another with music, laughter and, of course…. food. In my first ninety days of abstinence, I had a complicated experience that tested my strength, dedication, and faith. I attended a wedding for a dear friend in New York, where I was to be a bridesmaid. I had been in FA for six weeks. Although I did not have a lot of weight to lose, the craziness and insanity in my head had brought me to Program. After I had a meltdown in front of my husband, I admitted many of the twisted, awful thoughts I had been having for so long. I googled “food addiction” and found FA. My husband and I traveled to... Continue Reading
When I walked through the doors of FA at 200 pounds on March 12, 2008, I expected to have some “problems” with the program. I knew it would be very hard to do what the program required, but I had felt an odd, tingling feeling in my chest at my first meeting. I didn’t recognize it at the time, but realized after a few meetings that it was something I’d given up on years before—it was hope. I’d stopped feeling any real hope that I would ever be in a normal body. I’d been overweight all my life and started my magical thinking about my weight at a very early age. I had the same wish for every birthday candle I blew out, every first star, every coin tossed in a wishing well or a fountain: please make me thin. I begged God and promised anything if only I could... Continue Reading
When I came to this program over 12 years ago, I was a “free spirit.” I was (and still am) a freelance musician, with places to go and people to see. I didn’t want anything to hold me down from being able to get up and go wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I wanted to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I didn’t want to do my laundry or clean my home. I never wanted to make plans with friends, in case something better came along. Well, nobody was more surprised than I was how I took to the structure and discipline of the FA program like a duck to water. I wasn’t too keen on weighing and measuring, because I was sure there must be a more “natural” way, but I was willing and full of relief. For the first time ever, I didn’t have to figure... Continue Reading
This year the U.S. government initiated a very successful stimulus program that allowed many Americans to trade in their old, inefficient, gas-guzzling cars for new, efficient models, under the Cash for Clunkers Program. Though I didn’t trade in an old car to FA, I do feel like I traded my old clunker in for a brand-new body, mind, and spirit. For years, I had abused my body with food, swelling to 70 pounds over my normal size, feeling hopeless and completely helpless about food. My body, mind, and spirit could only be described as a total car wreck. My bloated body was grinding gears and straining under all the extra weight. My painful joints creaked constantly. I never drove too far or went up many hills without gasping for air. Turning over my engine in the morning was almost impossible. I fueled my body with numerous cups of high-test caffeine... Continue Reading
