After 90 days of abstinence, I felt generally neutral around the food. It only called to me when I was hungry (more than six hours between meals), angry (resentful), lonely (needing to make phone calls and connect with FA members), or tired (needing to rest). H.A.L.T.—Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. One day I found myself in the frozen food aisle of the supermarket. I began noticing new flavors and new concoctions of desserts. It was an uncomfortable feeling. My higher power influenced me to grab my cell phone and call an FA friend. The friend said, “Remember, that flour and sugar are poison.” I asked her what she meant by that. She answered, “That particular food is poison and will kill you eventually. Get away from it.” I did leave the aisle and did get over it. I never heard the food called poison, but later in the week, when reading... Continue Reading
I could hear myself lumber across the room. I felt huge! I did not like the idea that when I went to my clothes closet, chances were that nothing would fit. Slacks wouldn’t zip and tops were, shall we say, “snug?” No, make that tight. My arms were floppy and my eyes were nearly disappearing into my fleshy face. I want to remember what it was like so that I can come back to it again and again if need be, to put me back on track. I was 59 years old and 5’ 3.” I was my heaviest weight ever at 175 pounds. I was probably a size 14, but I still kept squeezing into my 10s, barely. I am a food addict. I had been thin-ish till I was about eight years old, when the extra weight seemed to appear. I remember my mom taking me to the... Continue Reading
I depended on my thumb for comfort until I was in fourth grade. My mother says I was a picky eater, always needing special textures, and that I favored only certain foods. The vision when I looked into the mirror was that I was heavy and cumbersome. If I sat down on a chair and my skin folded a certain way, I would get angry and anxious. I was a self-declared “fatso” at five. I was an active, athletic child, so although my physical body was a normal size, my perception was deeply skewed. I wore big sweatshirts and baggy pants. I bought dresses that were three sizes larger than I was, and I wore men‘s T-shirts to cover up my body when I wore swimsuits. I would go to sleep and check to see where my bones were and how far they stuck out, and unless they were protruding... Continue Reading
It’s been a year and a half since I began FA. I’ve let go of 125 pounds and my life is much different, but I still remember how I dreaded making outreach calls. This was my attitude: I just knew I didn’t have any information that would be helpful to others, and I couldn’t imagine that others would want to have their lives interrupted by me. It was like pulling teeth to force myself to make the calls. I was stuck in a sense of self-sufficiency and isolation. However, I followed my sponsor’s advice to 1) invite my Higher Power along for the calls, and 2) to adopt the revised attitude that I might be surprised at how well the calls would go. Then I started to see the beauty behind our tool of outreach calls. One day, I was getting ready to go on my first business trip after... Continue Reading
Food has always been my best friend. Food was there when no one else cared. Food made everything in my life bearable. I grew up in active alcoholism with a big religious family. We prayed for years that Daddy would stop drinking. And when it seemed like God had answered our prayers, my dad’s sobriety brought more emotions and feelings than I could understand as a 10-year-old. Trading addictions I was the oldest of eight kids, and I took care of all the younger ones while my parents were either arguing or going to meetings. Taking care of everyone else was my responsibility, and I learned quickly that everyone else came first. I wanted to play sports or join after-school activities, but the family had too much going on for me to get anything I wanted. Since I was home with a kitchen full of food and missing out on... Continue Reading
