Day 39 of shelter in place and month 13 since my world truly turned upside-down after losing my eighteen-year-old son. I felt I had no “experience, strength, and hope” to share with the online gathering of fellows set for that evening. I consider not showing up and just taking the night off. As I prepare my abstinent food for that evening’s dinner, I make the decision to get some outreach calls done. Who to call? The first two are simple, return calls to fellows, both of whom have lived through many things in program and have an abundance of “experience, strength, and hope” to share. These fellows also have the wisdom to be genuine about the strange new world we are all living in while trying to be a part of the solution of not spreading COVID-19. As we speak about how we are feeling and the tools we are using to deal with those... Continue Reading
Ten years ago, I bought a car, resigned from my job, packed up my most important belongings, and headed west. After seven years of living in Philadelphia, I was ready for a change. Mostly, I was just tired of being overweight. I wanted to get away, and I hoped to find a fresh (thin) start somewhere new. Without a job, without a clear destination, and without very much money, I said goodbye to my family, popped my favorite CD into the car stereo, and started driving. Two months later, after a 10,000 mile cross-country adventure, I landed in San Francisco and wound up staying. Although I did not have a conscious or deliberate relationship with God at the time, I can see now that God was with me all along. Despite my lack of planning, I found both a place to live and a job right away, and thus my... Continue Reading
I am 50 years old and I am a food addict. I really don’t know for sure when my food addiction took off, because early on in my life, I was an addict of various substances, first alcohol, and then various forms of drugs. I got clean and sober about 19 years ago, and when I did, I picked up sugar, which became my drug of choice until I realized, in my late forties, that I had a problem with the way I ate sugar. I justified eating sugar because it would keep me from drinking and getting high. Within a couple of years of getting clean and sober, I started noticing that my weight was fluctuating dramatically. Like so many food addicts, I started what I like to call the “dieting merry-go-round,” with success on some plans and not so much on others. The main thing all these diets... Continue Reading
I have been in Program for three years, but recently, calling my sponsor on time on a Monday morning was becoming an issue. Because we live in different time zones, my day is well on the way by the time I sit down to make my call. I found that the transition from the weekend to Monday mornings, with my family’s weekday routines, was unsettling for me. I was getting distracted, and missing my time by a couple of minutes. My sponsor suggested that I set an alarm or a timer to focus me so that I could be on time. I am technologically challenged, but I decided to face that challenge head-on and use my cell phone as my timer-reminder. I found a tool on my phone that allowed me to leave a voice message as a reminder. So I recorded my reminder and set the time. Later that... Continue Reading
I was near my top weight when my oldest son was married in 1998. I was nearing my goal weight when my youngest son got married. The dresses that I wore are metaphors for my life before and after recovery. Wedding #1 Shopping for a dress for my oldest son’s wedding was a painful experience. I knew that my future daughter-in-law needed to know what color I had chosen in order to continue with her planning, but the whole prospect of looking for something to fit me had me paralyzed. Here I was, near my top weight of 293 pounds, and I couldn’t even stand the pain of looking in the mirror. How many times had I faced a rack of clothes in the plus-size section and known that I was going to look hideous in any one of the things that I tried on? The hopelessness of selecting something... Continue Reading
