“I have had many men who had, for example, worked a period of months on some problem or business deal, which was to be settled on a certain date favorably to them. They took a drink a day or so prior to the date, and then the phenomenon of craving at once became paramount to all other interests so that the important appointment was not met.” – Dr. Silkworth, Alcoholics Anonymous, “The Doctor’s Opinion” While I was living in Boston, a friend told me about a fantastic job opportunity at a respected organization in the San Francisco Bay area. The initial phone interview went very well, and I was chosen as a finalist for the position. The hiring committee decided to fly me across the country for the final interview, and I stayed with my friend for a couple of days. I was very nervous on the day of the... Continue Reading
I had become a recluse. I could no longer read or write, the tools of my profession. I was not paying my bills because all of my money and time was going to maintaining my addiction. A phone battle with a bill collector was the final straw. As he demanded payment for an overdue account, I stared in front of me at what my last five dollars had bought me: a binge at a local sandwich shop. I slammed down the phone in humiliation and prayed for God to give me the strength to do the exact opposite of whatever my head was telling me to do so that I could begin to climb out of the hole I had dug. That week an FA member asked me to go to a meeting. My head screamed, “Don’t go!” But I cheerfully thanked her for asking me and promised to show... Continue Reading
I found FA in upstate New York when I was just short of my 30th birthday. I’d been bingeing and purging for 17 years and hit a top weight of over 180. In my early 20s, I spent three years in 90-Day OA (the 90-day program of Overeaters Anonymous), but I wasn’t ready for what the program had to offer. I couldn’t stay abstinent, and I balked at suggestions from my sponsor(s) and other people who were actually staying abstinent. After six more years of active food addition, I was more ready to listen. I got a sponsor and a food plan and started to surrender my will. However, there were still plenty of times when I was sure that I knew exactly what I was doing, only to find that my sponsor was the wiser one. For example, my sponsor suggested that I maybe shouldn’t start any strenuous exercise... Continue Reading
For as far back as I can remember, I’ve been full of fear, anger, and resentment. The type of resentment I’ve had is not anything I would have called fear or self-centeredness at the time, and it always started the same way. First I would feel annoyed or bothered. Over time, the emotion would grow into agitation. What started off as a nuisance turned into a full-scale resentment, as it engulfed my thinking. I would have to escape from the feelings that were overwhelming me. I would eat, and the feeling would dissipate for a time. So on one particular day, as I sat isolated in the conference room at my workplace, I felt a growing sense of tension. My chest and shoulders tightened and simultaneously expanded into what felt like a never-ending parade of stress. I could feel the walls around me getting smaller; I felt that the weight... Continue Reading
I have been asking God for the courage to change recently, and one area I wish to change is my over-planning. I have come to realize, through my quiet time and the gentle words of my sponsor, that you cannot plan fun. Seriously? To confess this has come as a bit of a shock, as “fun” was actually often written into my plan for the day, even though I did not know what that looked like or how it would occur. At University, despite being unable to actually focus long enough to study, my super- duper, colour-coordinated, tick-boxed plan gave me a fantasy that I was actually doing something constructive with my time. I spent a considerable portion of my evenings carefully planning what it was I wanted to do the following day, and this gave me the illusion that I was actually doing something with my days. The reality was... Continue Reading
