A Story of Recovery:

Time Well Spent


FA has helped bring sanity to my food and also to many other areas of my life. Before FA, the decisions that I made around money did a lot of damage to myself and others. I can remember being in possession of a car. It was mine (sort of). But when my addict friends towed it, I did nothing about it. I was too busy bingeing and purging to look into the location of my car. Additionally, the people who towed it were my drug dealers, so I didn’t want to bring up any hard conversations. I wanted them to keep supplying me.

I also gave away two laptops. I rarely used them. I was too busy bingeing and purging. Learning how to use a computer didn’t really interest me. It didn’t give me a quick enough ‘hit”.

Sometimes, in my active addiction days, I would just give money away. I couldn’t really afford to; I was just so tired of seeing myself spend every cent I had on drugs, food, cigarettes, and alcohol. The worst was seeing myself spend tons of money on food and then, two hours later, I would throw it all up into the toilet. I thought to myself, “Well, anybody that I give money to would do a better job of deciding where to spend it than I.” I often thought that I should just flush twenties down the toilet rather than going to the same old store to buy the same old food just to flush it down the same old toilet. It was a boring, meaningless, hopeless way to exist. I had no alternative…until I found FA!
In FA, I was taught to ask my sponsor for help with every aspect of my food, especially if I didn’t want to. “You’re as sick as your secrets”, I was told. I got peace. I learned to trust. So I asked for help with my finances.

Before FA, all my finances were controlled by an organization. I got an allowance. I was too mentally ill to make good choices. After getting abstinent in FA, with my sponsor’s help, I filled out paperwork and got approved to take over. I trusted the FA program even though I did not trust myself.

Years later, I continue to rely on my program. The tools of FA: sponsorship, quiet time, writing, phone calls, meetings, literature, all help me get in touch with my Higher Power. I have spent money wisely on trips, two cars, moving, and gifts. Lately, I am considering taking out some rather large loans for a Master’s program. I am a little apprehensive, which is probably normal. However, I can look back over the decisions which God has lead me to over the years. All of them have been sound. Certainly, there are ups and downs in each venture, but I have been adroitly guided. I trust God and the wisdom that I get through my sponsor. FA has kept me abstinent and secure so that I can continue to practice sane and happy usefulness.

 

This story was originally published in the connection Magazine. Subscribe to the connection Magazine for more stories of recovery. Or submit your own story of recovery.