A Story of Recovery:

Really Ready

Approximately four months ago, I walked into a local FA meeting ready, willing, and able to join FA and to follow the program as it is laid out. I had some idea what was in store for me, since I had attended a few meetings ten years prior. Back then, I had a sponsor and a food plan, and I attended one meeting a week. I thought I did not have time for more than that because I was working full-time and raising three children. I didn’t make phone calls, read any literature, or do any writing. I hardly took any quiet time and never remember prepping any food in advance.

I guess you could say that I did not engage in FA back then. Needless to say, I didn’t stay. I can surely add my name to the list of those who thought there must be an easier, softer way; although I tried to, I never found one. I gained and lost a bunch of weight, and then gained it again—about 60 pounds (27 kg)

Ten years later, I found myself in a different place. My children had grown, I was working part-time, and I had a profound feeling of, “If not now, when?” Sure enough, there were several meetings in my hometown and many others within an easy drive. How lucky am I?

I walked into my first meeting and saw only thin people. I thought perhaps I had the wrong meeting room. Indeed, it was an FA meeting and those thin people with smiles welcomed me with open arms. They seemed so pleased to talk with me and offer their help. I felt a bit of hope.

At my third meeting, I met my sponsor. When she stood to say she was available, I knew I would ask her to sponsor me. At the break, I made a bee-line over to her. She turned out to be just what I needed. She shares her program with me and makes clear suggestions. 

If I want recovery, I know that I must not pick and choose, as I did in my first go-round. Rather, I must take the program in its entirety. By doing so, I am learning to live my life again, by putting my recovery first, family second, and work third. I am grateful for the knowledge that I am not alone in this program. I feel a sense of peace knowing that there is always someone who will listen and help me to stay on track.

During those first few weeks, I found it challenging, but not impossible, to commit and prep my food, call my sponsor, make three other calls, read, write, and attend three committed meetings. I also started writing gratitude lists, and I sat quietly each day, asking God to show me the next right action or how to change my negative thoughts. As I detoxed from sugar, I was tired a lot, so I took naps and rested as needed.

As time went by, it got easier. The fatigue wore off in about three weeks. I called a lot of people with long-term abstinence and was given many great suggestions about food prep. For example, I could cook for more than one meal at a time, buy frozen veggies as a backup, keep in mind which fruits and vegetables have a longer shelf life, claim a shelf in the refrigerator for my food, and pack my meals to go—just in case.

Gratitude slowly started seeping in. One day as I was weeding the garden, a bumblebee went down the gap in the waist of my shorts and stung my behind. Ouch! When I realized what had happened, I remember thinking, Thank you God, my shorts are too big!

I was certainly losing weight, but most importantly, I was beginning to feel better. I will always remember how happy I was those first mornings when I called my sponsor and reported that I had eaten exactly what I had committed the day before. I was beginning to develop integrity around food and to feel some self-esteem again.

When I was about two months abstinent, I celebrated my thirty-seventh wedding anniversary. My husband and I would normally have gone out to dinner, which would certainly have included a dessert. Having been so very supportive of my program, he asked if we could eat out. I told him that, considering how well my abstinence had been going, I didn’t want to jeopardize my program. He readily agreed. Well, when I returned home after work that evening, he had hung a note on the refrigerator that invited me to a picnic dinner and he had purchased my favorite abstinent protein. No food served in any restaurant could have tasted better than the feeling of his unconditional love and support.

I continue to work my program each day. I try to arrive at my meetings early to help set up the chairs. I still sit near the front of the room and raise my hand to read the tools. As I shed my excess weight and my body changes, many of my clothes are now too big. I have made new friends and feel terrific. Any worries I had early on about whether this program would work for me have gone. I know it is working. For me to abstain from flour and sugar for nearly four months is a true miracle.

I have asked myself many times what is different from my attempt at FA ten years ago. Well, all I can say is, this time I am doing the program in its entirety. This time I am honest, open, and willing. I was desperate enough to admit that I could not do it alone, that maybe someone or something outside of myself could help me, and that there is a loving God with the special assistance of a sponsor. For these gifts, I am eternally grateful.