A Story of Recovery:

No Longer in Charge

My first Food Addicts in Recovery meetings were a rude awakening for me. There was so much to do! How was I going to be able to follow the program and live my life, too? There were so many suggestions: plan meals in advance, don’t eat between meals, go to meetings, make daily phone calls, spend time daily with my Higher Power, etc. Like most food addicts, I was used to making my own rules. I knew what worked for me. I didn’t need someone telling me what to do. So I questioned everything.

Looking back to my first 90 days, I recognize that my so-called need to be in charge of myself was an illusion. If I was so in control of myself, why was I so fat? I knew how to lose weight—I had done it many times over the years! What FA brought to the table was the chance to keep the weight off. That much I knew was out of my control.

My question of, “Why do we do this?” became clearer as my food plan became cleaner. There were reasons for the suggestions of FA. The tools were there to teach me discipline, honesty and humility; all things I dearly lacked.

Not sharing for 90 days meant I would show up to listen and learn. I would keep my mouth quiet so my heart could hear. Sharing after 90 days would give me a chance to connect with others in the room. My experience in recovery might be just what someone in the room might need to hear that day, and vice versa.

Following a specific committed food plan required me to have to put thought and intention into what I put into my mouth. A preplanned meal took the indecision and haste out of my way. There was no reason for drive-through restaurants! With the obsessive food thoughts gone, my mind could become open for improving my contact with my Higher Power.

Dedicated meetings meant that newcomers were guaranteed that someone would be there when they showed up for their first meeting. Others could rely on the fact that I would be at certain meetings.

Daily phones calls would take me out of myself so I could be available for others. I could make friends who understood my struggles with food and who didn’t judge me because of my food issues. I could understand that I am not alone.

Offering myself for service would keep me coming back, because I made a commitment and I would know I am needed.

I have found joy, as an added bonus of being able to give to others what has been so generously given to me. Service helps keep me on track with my own recovery.

And daily quiet time with my Higher Power (the most important tool for me), would give me the strength, wisdom, and courage I need to be successful in this program.

With God’s grace, I have lost 117 pounds in 12 months and the tools have led me back to living a healthy life with intention and purpose.