A Story of Recovery:

Hidden Treasures

At my first FA meeting, I was angry. I weighed 243 pounds (110.2 k) and was humiliated that I had to be in what I thought was “group therapy” for fat people. The funny thing was that only three of us in the room were fat. The rest of the members were slim, and I thought for sure they knew nothing about food addiction or being overweight.

I decided that I would play the game. I would simply go along with them in order to get the food plan. I’d go to meetings long enough to lose my weight, and then I would vanish and live a happy life as a skinny person, riding off into the sunset.

It is six and a half years later, and I do live a happy life and am in a right-sized body. However, I have not vanished from FA. I didn’t leave FA because I saw that my life had gotten so much better. I began to have boundaries around my food portions. It was very simple and straightforward—four ounces of this, six ounces of that. I also began to have boundaries around meal times. I knew I had to eat within certain time frames, which helped me make decisions about how to schedule my day. For instance, if I decided to drive to visit my mom so my kids could see Grandma, I knew I had to pack my lunch and take it with me.

Pretty soon boundaries around meal times led me to structure what kinds of social events I might attend. When my mom’s group held a holiday baked goods exchange, I thought about whether this type of event supported my recovery. I also began thinking twice about what kind of friends I spent time with. I had my “eating buddies,” who were more like “dieting buddies.” We spent time walking, running, and talking about our weight, but not really doing anything about it. I found that one of these friends enjoyed challenging me about the FA meal plan.  I knew that my meal plan worked, and I didn’t want to question it anymore, or try to figure it out. A lifetime of questioning had gotten me to 243 pounds (110.2 k). I was ready to live in the solution and stop arguing, but my friend wasn’t. I had to decide if hanging out with her supported my recovery.

I have been able to support my husband in his career by leaving my native country and living abroad. It has been a wonderful experience, but I am not sure I would have had the courage or confidence to engage in this journey if I hadn’t gotten into recovery. Recovery has taught me that it’s okay to make a bad decision, because I can always change my course of action later. The important thing is to make a decision and go through with it. Time will tell if moving away was a good decision, and if it wasn’t, I can change direction.

Since being in FA, I have been able to uncover my natural talent for singing, which was something I had put away. My disease of food addiction made me think that I wasn’t good enough; I was too fat, others could sing better, and I’d never get the parts. After getting into recovery, I joined my church choir and even went for solo parts, which I got. I have been able to sing and dance at the local national theater. I regularly sing at karaoke night events and no longer feel too scared to make a fool of myself. It’s all in good fun. In the past, I would never have been willing to put myself out there.

I am also able to be a loving mom to my children. I can set healthy boundaries for them and model what healthy boundaries look like. They know that Mommy can’t eat at certain restaurants, has to be home by a certain time for her phone calls, and that she is not to be disturbed when she is on the phone. They understand that at school events, I don’t eat flour/sugar products that are sometimes offered. They know they have a healthy mom who takes care of herself and who regularly shows up to their important school events and performances. They tell me I am beautiful and they like to help choose my clothes. They are not embarrassed by me, like I was of my own mom.

Since moving away from home over 20 years ago, I have not had close adult relationships with my siblings. However, in recovery, I have been able to continue to reach out to them. I am able to let the past stay in the past, and I no longer bring up painful events from the past with them. If the conversation begins to go in that direction, I am able to re-direct it or let them know in a loving way that I do not wish to discuss those types of things. My sister, who was once my worst enemy, is now beginning to realize that I mean her no harm. My youngest brother even invited my family to his son’s first birthday party, which was significant, since I had not been informed of his wedding or even that I had a nephew at all.

My sponsor once said to me, “This program isn’t only about food. It’s about relationships.” I never knew what she was talking about, but I do now. Beyond the miracle of the weight loss are other unexpected treasures. I think the biggest gift is being able to engage in healthy relationships. This means recognizing when a relationship is not going in a direction that serves me, and also staying open to new relationships. This is very important when living abroad, as people come and go all the time in ex-pat communities.

I continue to get new miracles each year that make my life better and better. I no longer want to do my vanishing act. I think I’ll stick around for one more day.