A Story of Recovery:

Change Of Heart

I was extremely overweight from a very early age. My top weight was 306 pounds.  I was full of fear, doubt, and insecurity and didn’t even know it. I spent a lot of my time being bossy and rude to my friends, family members, and strangers. My heart was so hard. I figured everyone was going to judge me by my appearance, so I might as well protect myself. I was in such denial about how I looked that I didn’t even see a problem with my weight.

As a young adult, I acquired a huge sense of entitlement and felt the world owed me. I was a screamer. I often yelled at my children before I even knew what I was yelling about. I lost three very successful jobs because of my attitude and inability to work with my co-workers. Friends and family were scared of me.

I often spent time at the gym, not to lose weight, but to help me to feel like a normal person. One day I ran into a woman at the gym and asked what she had been doing to lose weight. I went home, got online, and looked up an FA meeting. At that point, my weight was higher than it had ever been and was starting to interfere with my daily tasks; even tying my shoes was difficult.

When I started FA, I was angry, and refused to connect with FA fellows. But the funny thing that happened when I came into FA was that as my weight started to melt off, my heart started to thaw.

I began to soften, first by trusting a sponsor with my food and my thoughts around food, then trusting that I could really be honest. As I began to weigh and measure my food, I could actually see the huge quantities I had been eating and that I had even been hiding food from my teenage son.

FA was not easy. I had to relax and let my sponsor and my higher power guide me.  As I started to take suggestions and watch the promises of the program unfold, it became easier to trust. My way of dealing with my weight and my life was changing, without much work on my part.

My first glimmer of hope in this program was with my personality. I started to talk to my family in a much calmer way. I began to actually have conversations with my children instead of screaming matches. I started to show up and be held accountable to my life, pay my bills on time, and not spend when I didn’t have the money. I no longer let my family and friends bail me out of every situation that wasn’t comfortable.

I have been blessed in this FA program of recovery for three-and-a-half years now and have released one hundred and seventy-five pounds. I have begun to mend relationships with family and friends and have found a connection with a higher power that I have never had before. Weighing and measuring my food and using the tools have turned out to be something I want to do, not something I have to do.

When I started this program, my son was 12, and we never spent any time together. He is now 16, and I can’t get rid of him! He wants to tell me about his schoolwork, his friendships, and really anything that is in his heart. He didn’t always understand this program, but now is a firm believer that weighing and measuring my food has given him a mom he never thought he could have.  My heart is beating strong with love for my fellow human beings and for this FA program.