Early in Program, I heard an FA member say, “My will to do things was so strong that I changed the carpet in the living room without moving the furniture.” That story stuck with me, because that was my life when I was in food addiction. I had run marathons while working full time, and I didn’t get enough rest or sleep. At other times in my life, I had worked full time, ran in races, went to school full time, and got married, all during the same time period. I experienced intense obsession with my body image. I was bulimic and had an overeating and exercise addiction. My life lacked boundaries and clarity, and I certainly had no hope for any kind of peaceful balance in my life. When I was introduced to the principle that Program comes first, then family, then work, it was the beginning of a... Continue Reading
I’m not really a food addict—I have a few pounds to lose, but really I’m not like these people, I thought as I sat in the back of the room. That was two years and 35 pounds ago, 55 pounds from my highest weight, weight that I had been losing and gaining for 30 years on one diet after another. I knew I needed FA, but I really didn’t believe I was a food addict. I couldn’t see myself as I was. In fact, I got miffed when people jokingly insinuated that “we” could stand to lose a few pounds. How dare they put me in the same “fat boat” as they were in! I could clearly see where others needed to lose weight, but couldn’t see it in myself. I was coming off yet another Weight Watcher’s jag when my sister joined FA. I thought that was great for... Continue Reading
I had spent so much effort trying to lose weight while still trying to eat my way. One door after another had closed to me, and I was definitely at my end. When I came into FA, I was told that FA was “the last house on the block.” It was true. There was really only one question to ask myself: If this is the last house on the block, why would I want to be homeless? Why not just pay attention to the landlady, my sponsor, and move in? I like this new address, my excess weight is gone, and the extreme home makeover going on is my reason to stay.
At my first FA meeting, I was greeted by a woman who told me that she had lost 40 pounds. My ears perked up. Then the room began to fill with thin women. But I was confused. I thought that this might be a meeting for thin women who considered “overweight” to be an extra 10 to 15 pounds. I stayed because I figured I could learn something from people who were thin. The meeting began. Then I heard, in the format, the part about completely abstaining from flour and sugar. Right then I lost all hope. This, I thought, was impossible. What was there to eat besides flour and sugar products? At the break, a woman approached me and showed me her picture. She was once over 300 pounds! I regained my sense of hope, but I just didn’t think I could go without flour and sugar. I left... Continue Reading
Like most people, I always thought I was very different. Unlike other families in my white, suburban world, my father was an alcoholic and didn’t live with us; my mother was the breadwinner. We moved frequently, following her academic career, and lived in school-owned properties rather than in a home of our own. My sisters and I stopped attending public school after eighth grade and spent our high school years living in dormitories, surrounded by Vanderbilts, Duponts, and Rockefellers, girls from lower Connecticut, and from the western suburbs of Boston. In spite of our well-endowed education, we had little money. Our mother became influential in the world of private schools and colleges and a national advocate for girls. We were raised with high expectations of our lives as women, in the midst of her adoring students and colleagues. I was always conscious of the need to perform, to measure up... Continue Reading
