A Story of Recovery:

Personality Change

I recently was at a birthday party for my oldest grandson. My daughter’s house was full of family and friends. My niece, who might be a food addict, is not interested in recovery at this time in her life (I sure wasn’t at 27 either). She can be difficult.

In a room full of people, my niece said to me, “I could smack you for interrupting me again. You always are interrupting me!” I looked at her and thought she was showing no respect for me, and I was mad. In the past I would have said something to her to “set her straight.” I wanted to say something to my daughter, my sister (her mother), and anyone who would listen, about this rude behavior. I wanted to play the victim, but I did nothing except smile and walk out of the room to make a call to an FA fellow, who said, in a very calm voice, “Yeah, I had a lot of anger when I was in the food.” This reminded me that my niece needed compassion.

In a matter of a few minutes, I completed changed my attitude. I knew I needed to make an apology. I had interrupted my niece. I would wait until I was calm, would call her in a few days, make an amends, and say nothing about her outburst.

When I got home, there was a message on my machine from my niece, apologizing for her behavior and saying that she loved me. I called her back, accepted her apology, and made my amends for interrupting her.

Thank you God that today my relationships, particularly with my family, are so much better. I do not think this episode with my niece would have had the same result if I had responded to her anger with my anger, which I would have done in the past.

I have just completed my fifth AWOL, and I am happy to see that my personality has changed, along with my body size. When I came into FA, I was 50 years old, and had been dieting since the age of 12 (never very successfully). My highest weight was 30 pounds higher than I am now, and my struggles never affected my health, at that point.

But before FA, my personality was difficult—more a problem for me than my weight. My character defects— self-righteousness, and being very judgmental, controlling, and angry, were problems. I thought I was just fine; it was everyone else who had the problem. This vastly affected my life. My relationships with family members were tenuous. Even my twin sister and I didn’t have the best relationship, because of my glaring character defects.

I have been in FA for almost ten years, with four years of back-to-back abstinence. At one point, I took my will back, got lazy with my tools, and picked up the bite. Thank you God, it was a one-night event, but I had been getting sloppy with my Program way before that. Today I take my program and recovery very seriously and do not forget where I can go in a very short time. This episode with my niece was a great reminder of why my life didn’t bring me the joy and happiness it does today. Just by weighing and measuring my food—who would have thought…