I planned to join FA on a specific date—the perfect day to start my new life—not a day before or a day after. Of course, I had that same thought with all of the diet and exercise programs I tried. I always planned to start on some special date. It gave me the excuse to eat whatever I wanted until that actual day, when I would give it all up and be “good.” I would always start with the best of intentions, but I was usually able to last only a few weeks, or, in a few rare cases, several months. I would be doing okay, but then something would happen—I would get rejected by a guy I liked, or I would have a particularly stressful week at work, or I would go on vacation, and that was the end of that. For reasons that I still don’t understand, joining... Continue Reading
I had been in another food recovery program off and on for about 14 years, but had been out in the “wilderness” of addictive eating for nine years before I found FA. While in the other program, I’d have periods of “abstinence,” but there wasn’t any true recovery, because my will remained firmly in place. I did recognize that the way people were talking about their eating behaviors and their relationship with food in that program was how I used food and thought about food. But I believed that the Twelve-Step recovery program was the only chance I had of finding relief from compulsive eating. However, I did not surrender to a power greater than myself. I had been over-exercising, trying to burn some of the calories I was consuming, and was experiencing chronic pain as a result. I knew it was only a matter of time before I would... Continue Reading
Ten years ago, I arrived at college weighing 200 pounds. I didn’t fit in, and my solution was to lose weight. I lost 65 pounds and began a career as a personal trainer. What I didn’t know was that my battle with food addiction was just beginning. Last year, I hit rock bottom when I had the most massive binge of my life. I ate so much in a movie theater that I couldn’t stand up. I got into the car, reclined the seat, and thought, “I can’t wait for this food to go down so that I can have some more.” When I got home, I ordered two books. One was about food addiction. That was a year ago. Today I am working FA, have weighed 120 pounds since March, and wear a size 0 pants. The thin body is great. But the real recovery has been in my reaction... Continue Reading
I was staying in Virginia Beach with my boyfriend for the summer, but I had flown back to my home in Boston on Friday night so that I could attend my AWOL (A Way Of Life—a study of the Twelve Steps) on Saturday morning, followed by another FA meeting. I left my condo at 2 p.m. on Saturday afternoon to head to the airport. I arrived with a comfortable amount of time before boarding my first flight. I had a connecting flight through Newark and had decided to bring my dinner with me because the plane was arriving in Virginia at 7:55 p.m., and I didn’t want to chance going out to dinner after that, in case the plane was delayed. When I arrived in Newark, I found a screen with updated flight information. I carefully scanned the flight numbers, until my eyes finally landed on my flight. In large,... Continue Reading
I like to watch movies. I like the thrill of good triumphing over evil, and I love dramatic love stories. I never get tired of happily-ever-after endings. Worry is like watching a movie I don’t like over and over again. Though my worries never had a happy ending, I couldn’t seem to stop worrying. It dawned on me that worry was a form of entertainment for me. Worry was just an old hobby that I used to preoccupy my mind. A real hobby is something I invest in that can be a rewarding break from everyday life. Worry was my form of escape, except it was not fun or relaxing. Worry is not free. Worry takes a lot of time and it is expensive. It takes its toll on my health in the form of stress, and on my finances in the form of procrastination. As a food addict, I... Continue Reading
