A Story of Recovery:

Conflict Resolution

I recall an incident when I was only three weeks into Program, working with an FA sponsor. My marriage was quite a volatile relationship, and my husband and I argued nearly on a daily basis. One morning, my sponsor call occurred before an argument had finished. I was busy lamenting my partner’s lack of reasoning when my sponsor suggested something to which my resistance was extreme. He suggested I apologize to my husband. When I questioned why, he just advised I do it. I think his exact wording may have been “You have to do it!” I certainly did not agree, and even as I walked toward my husband, a little voice in my head said You know, you don’t need to do this today. Another, nicer voice intervened, Oh, yes, you do!

I did apologize, and was promptly told by my husband that he was glad I apologized because, “After all, you were wrong and I was right!” I felt the anger welling as I turned and walked away, but suddenly, the thought came from nowhere that this was actually amusing, and I burst out laughing! I gave my husband a big hug, to which he retaliated enthusiastically. The most beautiful part of this story is the fact that my partner was already seriously ill. He had been battling cancer for some 11 years at this stage, and it was getting to the stage where available treatment was not going to benefit him for much longer.

This importance of “letting go and letting God” became very evident in relation to my husband’s serious illness. I was so unwilling to let go, because I believed I wanted him to be more accepting of what was going to happen, so he could feel better. My sponsor pointed out to me one morning that it might not be God’s will to stop his suffering. He gently explained how it might be that God had something for us to learn from this process. I did have something to learn. I needed to learn that I was not in control, that I did not need to be in control, and that God had a plan for us both. All I needed to do was trust Him for my faith to get stronger, and to know that God held us both in the palm of His hand. 

He gave us the chance to know our remaining time together could be severely limited. It could have been years instead of decades, but it was only a matter of months. We needed to grab each day and hold on tight. Perhaps that was all we needed to know. What helped sustain me most during this time was the fact that, from daily arguments, we reduced our volatility to the extent where, in the remaining ten months of his life, we only had one more argument, when my sponsor wisely advised me to follow the choice of being happy, rather than right. All I know is that, when my husband passed, he was surrounded by family and God was in the room with us. The love was palpable. What could have been harrowing was gentle and peaceful, and blessedly pain-free. God kept us in the palm of His hand, and keeps me in it still.