Posts about Recovery

Sane and Abstinent Parenting

I came into FA when I was 36 years old. I was 50 pounds (22.7 kilos) overweight, hating myself, and unable to keep myself from eating. I ate no matter what commitment, promise, or oath I made with myself, or anyone else, to not eat. All I needed was a thought about food and I had to have it. I thought about food all the time. I would be eating one food and thinking about the next food I wanted to eat. If I was doing something that didn’t allow me to eat, I was planning the next thing I would eat and when I would get it. I ate in the bath, the car, in bed, on the toilet, and while driving. I met someone working the FA program while I was in another Twelve-Step program for compulsive overeaters. I was still miserable, and I wanted what she had. She... Continue Reading

 


 

Smooth Moves

Joy  and  happiness  were  not  part  of  any  move  before  I  came  into  FA.  When  my  family  moved  when  I  was  a  teenager,  the  only  thing  I  looked  forward  to  was  my  excitement  about  our  refrigerator  being  outside  while  the  kitchen  was  being  remodeled.  This  allowed  me  to  keep  my  sneaking  food  more  anonymous.  I  also  thought  that  I  wouldn’t  eat  as  much  because  it  would  be  more  “work”  to  go  out  in  the  cold  to  get  my  binge  foods,  but  the  weather  didn’t  stop  me.                 I  was  a  horrible  roommate  before  Program  took  over  my  heart  and  my  life.    I  stole  my  roommates’  food  and  took  up  an  unequal  amount  of  fridge  space.  I  binged  on  large  quantities  of  food,  over-exercised,  and  purged  into  the  toilet.  I  was  inconsiderate  and  didn’t  clean  up  after  myself.  I  judged  my  college  roommates  for  eating  what  I  thought  was  more  than ... Continue Reading

 


 

90 Days Of Miracles

I  cannot  believe  how  healthy  I  am  today.  I  am  34  pounds  (over  15  kilos)  lighter  and  am  healthy  beyond  imagination.  I  found  out  about  Food  Addicts  in  Recovery  Anonymous  (FA)   after  talking  to  a  psychologist  friend  of  mine  about  my  eating  habits.  I  used  to  beat  myself  up  in  front  of  the  mirror,  be  disgusted  with  my  body  and,  most  importantly,  feel  disgusted  with  the  man  I  had  turned  into.           I  told  my  friend  that  I  didn’t  have  breakfast,  only  ate  lunch  if  I  went  out  with  my  coworkers,  and  then  went  home  to  raid  the  fridge  and  pantry  as  if  it  was  my  last  day  on  earth.  Then  I  topped  it  off  with  sugar  products  and  watched  TV  until  it  was  time  to  go  to  bed.  I  told  myself  I  would  start  fresh  the  next  day,  but  I  never  did.  I  told  him  that  I  didn’t  understand  why ... Continue Reading

 


 

Slowing Down

Recently,  I  shared  with  my  sponsor  that  I  had  experienced  intense  emotional  and  physical  breakdowns.    She  connected  the  dots  for  me  and  suggested  that  I  needed  to  slow  down.  After  listening  to  her  suggestions,  I  have  been  carefully  examining  how  I’m  living  my  life,  both  in  the  big  picture  and  moment  to  moment.  I  realized  that  her  observation  that  I  had  too  much  going  on  was  certainly  true.  I  am  now  looking  for  things  to  let  go  of  to  ensure  that  I  am  living  a  manageable  life.    If  I  don’t,  I  know  I  am  at  risk  of  returning  to  addictive  eating.  I  need  to  treat  myself  like  a  newcomer  each  day.  I  must  make  sure  my  recovery  comes  first,  and  that  I  don’t  get  so  busy  that  I  feel  hectic  and  worn  out.  In  trying  to  downshift  into  a  new,  slower  gear,  I  was  going  in  and  out ... Continue Reading

 


 

Gone But Not Forgotten

Mom and dad are gone now; nevertheless my parents have been the most impactful presence in my life. Growing up in a suburb of Cleveland, Ohio with mom, dad and my younger brother David, food was always a strong presence in the house. Mom and dad were overweight, mom more so than dad, and every occasion, birthday or holiday, was cause for a food celebration. Either a specialty sculpted birthday flour product or standard ethnic dishes appeared at the appropriate moment. Looking back at pictures, I see that I wasn’t actually that overweight as a youngster, although I always thought I was. But after college when I was no longer cocooned by classmates, teachers and parents, and when life got tougher, I packed on the pounds. I also learned to drink in college, which also added weight. I was easily 160 to 170 pounds (72.5 to 77 kilos) when I... Continue Reading