Posts about Recovery

Real Hunger

Desperation came calling again. The first time was a week before Thanksgiving  when my weight was 326 pounds (148 kilos). My highest weight was 331 pounds (150 kilos).  Sadly I was not ready to live in my right-sized body. I started eating within days of reaching my goal weight and left FA shortly thereafter. This first attempt was about being on a “diet.”  In my second FA attempt, I had ten months of abstinence and was sponsoring. Being attractive, sexually desired, and in a thin body took me off course.It was Halloween when I broke in round three. Two weeks later, I had gained twelve pounds. I kept telling myself this was ok, since I wasn’t eating flour or sugar. Round four only lasted a few months. I allowed my feelings to get hurt by a sponsor. He didn’t have time for me, so again I left. I continued this pattern... Continue Reading



You Ruined My Life!

I’m sitting on the edge of my 13-year-old daughter’s bed just before bedtime. This is a special time and I value these moments when I am alone with my little girl—present, available, and fully focused on her. But this night, unlike others, she announces half-jokingly, “You and your program have ruined my life.” She is the younger of my two daughters and she was one-and-a-half years old when I found FA. At that time, I was working full time, my baby and her five-year-old sister were in day care, and my job was about to be cancelled. I was overwhelmed, overworked, and overweight. I had achieved most of my life goals. I had a loving partner, we had our two gorgeous daughters, and five years earlier we had successfully relocated to Australia from California in order to support my father who had vascular disease. And yet I felt alone, furious... Continue Reading



Resentment Equals Leaving FA

My story is a little different than most members in FA (spoken like a true food addict-only me right?).  I left program after 6 ½ years.  That’s right; just walked out the FA doors and never looked back.  This grand idea of mine was based solely on resentments. During those 6 ½ years of program, I gave away 81 lbs., and had one break; held most of the meeting positions between two meetings; had 4 sponsees, went to night school working on a bachelors degree, and worked 10 to 12 hours a day.   I had back-to-back abstinence for 5 years then I ate two cookies in December; never told my sponsor until February and the end result was she dropped me as her sponsee.  I was crushed, felt abandoned and hurt.  I lost a great deal due to being dishonest. I went through numerous sponsors when I finally found one... Continue Reading



Helpful and Grateful

Today I was supposed to work, but my work said that they did not need me. Cool. It’s rainy out and I am tired (and filled up) because I had an FA meeting last night. But then I got this little thought, “Hey, maybe I should text my sponsor and see if I could come over and help her pack stuff for her move.” So I texted her and it looked like a go. (It is a miracle of Program that it even occurred to me to ask.       Back in my food addiction, I would not offer to help anybody do anything unless I was getting something out of it. I remember one time when I spent most of the day helping a family move, only because I kept thinking they were going to give me some speed. They never did and, in fact, the cops came over and made... Continue Reading



Meeting Halfway

I did not enjoy going to meetings in the early days, particularly when I realized I couldn’t play around and change the ones I attended whenever I felt like it. At first, I thought it too much of a commitment, one that ate into my “free” time and caused disruption at home. My sponsor encouraged me to commit to a certain meeting to which I had a lot of resistance. I love my faith, my priest, and my local church, and there was a particular service that happened at the same time as the meeting. I generally attended with my partner and our three-year-old granddaughter. After some months, I agreed to start attending the FA meeting instead. My husband was unhappy about this, saying that we wouldn’t be able to go to church together. I just softly said that I would see how it went and things might change again... Continue Reading